Alas, I find myself single (by choice) and bereft of female companionship. That requires me to reenter the pathological and wretched dating market. I guess it's not entirely wretched, as much as it is chaotic. But that's ok, because since the last time I was wandering within its depths, I have developed a much better outlook along with much better tools than I had before. Plus I love chaos and uncertainty. It forces you to adapt and create.
The Dating DilemmaI responded to an ad yesterday on a popular dating website, seeking to meet a very attractive and highly educated female that I'd found. After emailing her for the first time, she immediately sent me her telephone number, which wouldn't ordinarily have been bad, until she sent me at least 4 subsequent emails within an hour after that wondering why I hadn't called her yet. An obvious red flag, but I continued to entertain the idea of meeting. She was really attractive after all.
So once I called her, we talked for close to two hours and had a lively and pleasant conversation. I've come out of a 3 year relationship and it was good to have a non-business conversation with a female other than my ex, if for no other reason than to cut my teeth so to speak. We made plans to meet up later in the day for drinks.
Two hours later, she calls me again for some reason that I don't recall, but I entertained the call. Then she called again a couple hours after that for something else, and again, and again. I spoke with her at least four times for one reason or another in the 6 hours or so before we met. Another obvious red flag from that alone. I'd thought she was too pretty to appear that desperate, so there had to be something else going on. During those conversations I discovered that she'd recently lost her mother, and her dog, and had also lost her previous relationship with her fiance and had undergone major surgery all within the past year. Wow, talk about bad luck!
The kicker was that our plans had now changed and that her best friend was going to meet with us also for drinks. That was odd, and I teased her asking if she "needed a chaperone". Right away I knew the friend could be a problem, but I psyched myself up that I just needed to sell myself to both women in order to have another shot at my target in a subsequent meeting.
She told me that her friend was only going to stay for one drink (which was a lie), and that she just wanted to meet me since she had gone on and on about me to her. The inclusion of this new factor was indeed another red flag, which took the number of red flags up to at least 7 when adding in some of the other things she'd mentioned to me about herself during our many conversations throughout the day. So I decided to do a Tarot reading to see what the outcome of the situation would be.
The Tarot Reading
The reading was horrible. The Death card followed by the 10 of Swords is what came up for the probability of us hitting it off. Woah! I'd never seen such a harsh reading before, for anything. I had to get clarity just to make sure the reading was accurate, so since I usually throw dice to do my Tarot readings using one of Lon Milo DuQuette's techniques, I decided to reinforce that reading with another reading using actual Tarot cards to see what the outcome of the night would be.
That subsequent reading told the whole story. I did a Past, Present, Future spread on it and the cards that came up were the Two of Pentacles in the past position, Queen of Cups for the present position, and the Empress card reversed in the future position. I interpreted:
A) 2 of Pentacles to have something to do with the both of us being Earth signs (she is a Virgo, I am a Capricorn), along with the traditional interpretation of a material change, which was accurate because I'd needed a change (which was why I'd gotten out of my previous relationship in the first place) and because she'd also gone through some very life-altering changes recently.
B) Queen of Cups, being a watery card, was interpreted to have something to do with the clinginess of the relationship as it presently stood, since water signs can be clingy, although I also was aware of the traditional interpretation of the card having to do with the balled-up knot of negative emotional energy surrounding this female that threatened to entangle me. She was already saying that we were "dating", although when she first said it, I hadn't even physically met her yet. Huh? You want me to meet your dad already? Sweetie, I don't even know you yet, because I just met you freakin' today.
C) The Empress (Reversed) was interpreted to mean I "wasn't gettin' any" from this girl, because it can symbolize the door (Daleth) that we all enter through to get into this life (the Yoni). The card being upside down meant I could create nothing with her, plus she'd already told me she'd had a tubal ligation (who tells a person that before actually meeting them?) which was another indicator of that. Not that I'd want kids with her (or anyone else) anyway. I'm happy with my daughter and don't need any more children, although stepchildren (or grandchildren many years from now) would be fine by me.
So it was obviously not the greatest of readings, but it ended up being highly accurate. So although neither of these two readings were positive, I had already committed myself to going to the "meet-and-greet" as it were, thus I kept my word and went. At least I was glad to be prepared for whatever was to come.
When I arrived, both females were already there and seated. After greetings, introductions, and ordering drinks, we began getting to know one another. My target was even more attractive than her pictures portrayed, and very sexy, and a bit taller than I'd expected although she did have on heels. She was slender and athletic, but had the curves where they counted, and a flirty feistiness that was intoxicating. Being the lusty goat that I am, I was definitely intrigued by all this, and was wondering how the cards could possibly be correct (although I've never seen my readings wrong). We flirted with each other throughout the evening, while I made it a point not to let her friend feel left out of the conversation. I'd say it went extremely well for about the first 90 minutes, and we all were indeed hitting it off, but then it suddenly all went downhill.
It all started once we got on the subject of marriage. I'd indicated that I wasn't looking to get married again because I'm twice divorced, and through both marriages had discovered that marriage probably wasn't for me, if it ever had been. I have a natal moon placement in Aquarius which is likely to be the true culprit for my views on that. But my "official" reasoning for that was and is two-fold.
In the first place, in both of these past marital relationships, I'd lived with both of my long-term girlfriends prior to making them wives, and both times right after we'd married the relationships took a nose-dive and disintegrated. In my first marriage, my wife and I had been together for 5 years before becoming man and wife, but the marriage itself lasted only another two years even though we'd had a child together. The second time, we were together for 3 years and the marriage only lasted for another 3, but I was glad we'd had no children together in that case.
I couldn't figure it out why the disintegration of both relationships had begun to occur right after marriage, although we'd had almost no issues prior to getting married, so I surmised that marriage itself really wasn't what it was cracked up to be as far as cementing relationships goes. The ridiculous rate of divorce (~75%) in this country is proof enough of that, but I guess I needed to experience it for myself. I think each of those relationships, and those of others with whom I've spoken about this phenomenon, would have fared better had marriage never come into the picture.
Of course, I'd never blame marriage totally for the demise of those relationships, because in any relationship there are always challenges, whether you're married or not. But I figured marriage had to have been a factor somehow, although I could never put my finger on exactly why.
In my most recent non-marital relationship, one point of commonality between my ex and I was that neither of us ever wanted to get married again because each of us were twice divorced. We both thought it would be much better to just live together, although that never actually happened. I guess I hadn't accounted for how rare it is to find a woman nowadays who doesn't want to be married, especially a woman over the age of 35 in the US. Although I will admit that a big part of me wants to be proven wrong on that.
Anyway, back to the "date" with these two women.
My Issues With Marriage
My second reason, and the main point of this post was that I disclosed that I did not recognize any authority of the church, nor of the state, to sanction my vows or the level of my commitment to whomever I'd eventually end up with. This idea literally horrified both women - you should have seen their faces. It was like I'd pulled off a mask and revealed myself as Satan himself or Adolf Hitler or something. It was classic.
I asked them hypothetically that if the apocalypse finally occurred, and suddenly there was no Court of Law, nor a Vatican or other recognized religious authority left standing, who would be left to wed people? Their answer was dead silence, and that silence made my point for me.
I said "Exactly, so don't you see that no one actually needs these institutions because if two people who are truly committed to one other, and vow to each other that until their last breath they will be with their mate, that that is all the sanctioning that is necessary? Do you mean to tell me that prior to the institution of the Church and of the State, that no one stayed together for the rest of their earthly lives, and that their commitment to one another was somehow weaker than what a present-day "married" couple's commitment is? I can't buy that. Marriage as we conceive of it is an elaborate and state-reinforced illusion."
Why does anyone need a third party to sanction their vows to one another? They actually don't, but we've all been conditioned, brainwashed, and society has been engineered for us to believe that we do. I understand that in this society marriage affords privileges to spouses such as death benefits, and estates, social security, etc. I get all of that. But it's all for material reasons, because we've all been taught that material things are somehow more important than love itself, and that love necessarily requires finance for consummation, etc.
Anyway, once that little tidbit of information came out, our little "meet-and-greet" came to an abrupt but cordial end. My sexy little target said that she really wanted to be a "wife" and that she didn't want to "live in sin" with someone that she wasn't married to because that would somehow set a bad example for her two young daughters. I should have asked why she didn't just say that on her goddamn profile and saved us both the trouble, but instead I wished her the very best in her search, gave her a hug, and went home. As she was leaving, she really looked like she wanted to cry. Poor girl.
However, in light of the two readings I got regarding my possibilities with her, I'd say I dodged a bullet and am grateful that I'm no longer in danger of being bombarded with whatever her particular flavor of all-but-hidden pathology would have been. The sex wouldn't have been worth the headache, had it come to that.
At this point in my life, I cannot imagine marrying a woman, or being willing to even have a serious conversation about it, before being with her for at least 5-10 years and after having mutually built a life with her together during that time. And if I were to take that step, I'd rather be married by a witch doctor, voodoo priest, or maybe a shaman because their power is far more legitimate in my opinion, having been earned in the fires of alchemical calcination, not legislated by a body whose power I don't recognize.
Plus I would have to be 110% convinced that my mate and I were indeed soul mates, begging the question that such a companion exists for me. In other words, I would never get married just because "that's what people are expected to do at a certain age, or because we've been dating long enough." And I am quite unapologetic about that. That's the stinkin' thinkin' that led to me getting married (and divorced) both times already.
I realize that it's probably going to be fairly difficult to find a woman who thinks the same way as I do with regard to dating and marriage, and with whom I am compatible on that level. She'd probably also have to have a natal moon placement in Aquarius to understand my stance. Or maybe she'd actually be from Uranus.
Or maybe she'd really be my soul mate. Do soul mates really exist? We'll see...I'm not holding my breath on it though!